When Praises go up

I am amazed beyond words by what I have discovered today. I had been believing in God for something for the past week. I had prayed all kinds of prayers, asking God for what I wanted. I asked for a miracle, for a sign, I cried, I almost made a plea bargain with the most high. Whatever I needed, I needed it bad, real bad, and so I kept on with the same prayer line. It felt like a cycle, kept praying the same prayer over and over again but I wasn’t getting what I wanted. It’s true about the saying that you can’t keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results. Then it hit me, I was doing it all wrong. There’s one thing that I still had not done for the all mighty; I had not PRAISED Him.

Right there I got down on my knees next to my bed, with tears still flowing, I started to pray a prayer of praise. I remember telling my God how I don’t even know how to praise him in prayer, but I asked Him to accept my praise, as that is how I knew best. I started praising Him my own way, I cried, I still drifted away sometimes while I was praising him and went back to praying as I was before, then I would remember that this particular prayer was about praise, and I would quickly get back to praising him. I remember at some point I ran out of words of praise and I ended up saying Psalms 23, a verse I had learnt by heart when I was a kid:

“The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness, for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. Thou prepares a table before me in the presence of my enemies. Thou anoints my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely, goodness and mercy shall follow me, all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord, forever and ever, Amen.”

With that, I ended my prayer and about two hours later, part of what I was believing for was revealed to me. I cried so hard. I had been selfish, just asking asking and asking God for some more when I had barely given Him all the praise for just being who He is, and for everything else He has done for me in my life. I now know better, and I thank God for the revelation.

When praises go up…blessings come down 🙂 🙂 🙂

I Am Bush_Locked 😉

When it’s Good, it’s Good, till it Goes Bad

It’s been quite a while since I did my last post. I guess it takes a special someone to realize that you are driving off-course and you need to get back on track. I dedicate this post to one of my readers, thanks for reminding me that I do have a blog and that I need to keep doing what I love to do 😀

I had to pause for a while to think about what I really wanted to write about. I am very emotional today. I realize though, that it doesn’t always have to be about me. Someone else might be going through the same situation as I and I want to reach out to another being.

I was at home for my off-days the past one week and I have to admit that it wasn’t the best time I’ve had. I am however glad that I got to spend time with my family, which was better than the time I spent away from them. I had been dating this guy for a month or so, but at the end of my one week off, I felt drained, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, a case of a good deal gone horribly wrong.

I have however taken home a few life lessons. I don’t want to be the quick dial on someone’s phone just because they know I’m around and they want some servicing, be it physically or financially. Some nights I stayed up, waiting for a call that was never coming. Ever heard of the saying that goes, “The sun is blinding?” Exactly how I felt that past whole week. This is not the way I want to live my life.

I keep lying to myself that I am okay now, I feel SAFE, now that I am back in the bush, but running away from my problems isn’t going to solve any of them. I have to accept I made a few mistakes, blindly, naively; either I live with them or I keep running. There is no safe haven in either of the two choices, but one will liberate me faster than the other.

Silence is scary. No one has to go through this; trying to figure out what is really happening. Silence is golden too. It screams the truth, the truth that you know deep down but you do not want to admit. You only got yourself to blame if you can’t see and admit that you know the scary truth behind the silence.

So here I am again, back to square one, trying to find me again, the me I once knew just over a month ago. Crying isn’t pretty, but I know at some point I will have to hear myself cry again, not because I am weak, but because I really want to, just this once to finally let go.

I read a post by Chris Hart that perfectly summarizes my past one week. Here is what he had to say…

“Start by no longer accepting what people tell you at face value…evaluate everything. Especially things that the whole world seems to agree on…Ordinary people never question authority. They’re easily intimidated and scared. So be different…Because you don’t have to live your life by other people’s rules. Instead, choose your own path.”

I Am Bush_Locked 🙂