Sometimes we women have this long list of the qualities we want in our dream man. The list simply shows that we are just looking for that one person who cares enough to try, one who is not perfect at keeping tabs but always seems to remember the little things about us, one who opens up to us in ways he has never done with other women. We are not hoping to get the man who matches to our list, we are just hoping to find that one man who shows us and makes us feel like we matter enough to them.
Two months ago I met this kind of man. He makes me the kind of happy that when I lay in bed at the end of the day, I am just like wow, who knew this kind of joy would even be possible? He gives me wings to soar and reach for my dreams. His joy is when he sees me happy doing what I love to do. He pushes me to go out there because he sees my potential and wants me to shine. He encourages me daily, and tenderly and lovingly shifts my mind-set to ‘I can do it’ from ‘I don’t think I am good enough’.
He soothes me when I am too hard on myself. This world is full of negativity that I sometimes get myself into self-criticism. Whenever this happens I always know who to run to. He doesn’t invalidate my feelings, but always knows what to do with me. He shifts my perception, and helps me look at things at a whole new different point of view and lifts up my spirits.He calls me warrior-poet queen, he thinks I’m amazing and perfect, when I am just a mere mortal. He says he loves his women like he loves his coffee, he has a twisted sense of humor which I get, but I know he means he loves them first thing in the morning, or right now, or maybe later, or actually always and constantly!
Miles can separate people but he is always aware of the importance of spending quality time together. He is always fully present somehow, and although we spend quite some time together, we have never lost our individuality. We have been devoted to each other as much as we have been devoted to our families, jobs, friends and other responsibilities.
When we like someone, sometimes we do not like to associate ourselves with our true authentic selves. We tend to create a personal false image to protect ourselves, to feel kind of safe, and to be easily accepted. With him, I do not feel like I have to do this. Unveiling my true feelings and meeting him from a place of truthfulness has made me realise how genuine love could be so fulfilling. Opening up to one another has never felt so safe and secure. He is my rock, my comfort, I could never think of anyone who embraces my imperfections and vulnerability in such a loving way like he does. He is a true gentleman, he never allows me to think any less of myself.
For two months I have experienced a safe place of love, purity, tenderness, fulfillment, joy and laughter. I have learned how to love unconditionally. I have learned how to provide for myself and him a place of relaxation, attention and appreciation. I have learned to break the walls that I had created more than once before to protect myself. I have learned that it is okay to be open, vulnerable and sometimes extremely sensitive. Knowing him has given me the strength to hope for reaching my greatest potential. It has opened me up to a unique space of love that is still inaccessible to many of us.
This pretty much sounds like a happy ending story, but I am tempted to say, ‘so much for my happy ending’.I know I haven’t been the only one. When I met him, it was too good to be true and I had my doubts. I sought the Lord in prayers to reveal to me what it was. That’s when he told me of his reality, and still, denying every tear and hurt, I held on. All along I have been his fantasy and I have agreed to take that position in his world. I wish it would be over, or I would be his reality and her his fantasy. When he calls me baby, I know I’m not the only one, but it’s music to my ears and it beats to the rhythm of my heart. When he tells me I’m special, I know I don’t have his heart even though he has mine.
I’m scared of how much I love him. I am scared that he doesn’t love me as much as I love him. I am scared that I am not the person that he is in love with. I am scared he is going to hurt me someday, and I am scared of what it means to be trying with him. I have learned however that people will come into my life and leave. Relationships, or friendships are seasonal most of the time, the same way with everything that has a beginning also has an end.
I believe that the best kind of love is one that we both recognize and be at peace with the fact that it could all change, that there will be no more texts, emails, chat time, and everything could possibly end at any time.When I think I have met my best friend and the love of my life, I may be let down. I have learned I should let go of such relationships and take its lessons with me and continue with my life.With this understanding I hope I can give it my all in my next, to fully explore what this kind of love has taught me with what is out there for the offer.
I Am Bush_Locked 🙂
I Am Bush_Locked 