Musings of an Imperfect Girl

Perfection. That’s a struggle I know so well of. I’ve made mistakes before and did things that I shouldn’t have done. Every so often I’d wake up feeling guilty and condemned, wondering why I was still struggling with the same issues. Sometimes I’d think that I really couldn’t get things right, how could God love me and bless me with all my imperfections? I thought that once I overcame my weaknesses, only then could I have favor from God. I limited the possibilities of my God, like he could only bless me if I was perfect. I was wrong.

As I was doing my daily devotion the other day, I read a verse in the Bible that mentioned how God’s eyes search the earth and how He shows Himself strong to those who are committed to Him. Right then I realized that He is not looking for those who behave perfectly and make no mistakes. He is looking for those who genuinely want to please Him despite the mistakes that they make or have made. That deep down, despite everything, they want to truly honor Him with their lives. That He is more pleased with those who sometimes make mistakes but have the right heart, than those who always perform perfectly but have the wrong heart.

The Pharisees, for example, did everything right; they prayed, tithed and performed religious ceremonies like they were required to. Even after doing all these things, God compared them to tombs, which were kept clean on the outside but were full of dead bones and unclean things on the inside. They were hypocrites and full of wickedness and their hearts were not right with God. On the other hand, while he was choosing His disciples, he did not go for people who had it all together, He chose people who had weaknesses and flaws, but when he had handpicked them all, he told them that He had chosen them not because they were perfect, but because their hearts were turned towards Him.

The thing about God is that he sees what others cannot see; He sees the heart while others concentrate on the behavior and performance. We might not have it all together, we might need a change of attitude or an improvement of our character but as long as our hearts are sincere and right with God, He is willing to show Himself strong in our lives and mold us to become better persons. If God can accept me with my flaws, as long as my heart is committed to Him, I think it’s only fair that I accept myself with my weaknesses and seek Him daily as I allow him to change me.

For the longest time I have let the enemy convince me how I don’t deserve God’s favor and blessings by always reminding me of my struggles and mistakes, essentially trying to keep me away from my destiny, forgetting that God already put a mark of approval on me when He created me. I have to stop remembering what God has forgiven and forgotten. I have to stop listening to the enemy accusing me of everything that I am not. The Bible says that I should put on God’s approval as my breastplate, this way, every chain of condemnation, guilt, disapproval, inferiority and low self-esteem are broken. When you know that you are approved by God, there’s a kind of feeling of freedom that comes with it.

I understand that in this process, there will be moments of self-doubt, not everything will be perfect all the time, but I also understand that I am an unfinished product. God is the porter and He is still molding me every day taking me from one phase of glory to another. I can either choose to sulk and beat myself up for the mistakes I have done or will do, or choose to accept that I am not perfect and focus my heart on Him instead as I let Him take care of my struggles and weaknesses.

I thank God that He has approved me, that He is not a fault-finder, that He is full of mercy and shows us favor when we least deserve it. If He saw straight through the heart of the woman with the alabaster box and forgave her, then I am not far from restoration and healing. His grace is sufficient for us all, and for that, I am grateful!

I Am Bush_Locked 🙂

Writing on the Wall: Tarcere e un Arte

Well, in case you are wondering what that means, so did I a few minutes ago! I just picked that out of a poster on the wall in front of my desk. I am random like that :). This is one of those days that I really really feel like posting something on my blog, I have plenty of fantastic ideas but I just don’t have the words to actualize them in writing. So I’ve decided to go with the flow and just use what I have and my eyes led me to this writing on the wall. Journey with me and lets see where it’s going to lead us to 🙂

Google translate is epic, in a twisted way. So I type in the words and it tells me the writing on my wall is Galician!?! Very funny google translate! I didn’t even know there is a language called Galician. Anyway, I work with Italians and I probably know that the writing is in Italian, so I google again and finally, the writing on my wall means ” Silence is an Art”. This is not something new to me, I’ve heard it before. It’s interesting though that the writing has been sitting on my wall for over the 2 years I have been here and I’ve never really paid attention to it until a few minutes ago.

The Bible has become my favorite book, so much one can learn from it, and it’s very interesting. Sometimes I get carried away and read it like a novel, it’s so captivating especially when you are devoted wholeheartedly to reading it. I was reading a chapter in it a few days ago about Jesus and dying on the cross. I still do not know where I am heading to with this, but so help me God I get the words right.

There is no one person that has gone through many trials and tribulations in their lifetime like Jesus did. He was a righteous man, blameless without sin, holy, the Son of God, yet so many people were against Him. Can you imagine the whole world crying for your blood and wanting you dead yet you are blameless? If I were in His shoes, I would have thought like damn, my father is God, I mean he is all mighty in every literal sense. Why do I have to suffer if he can take me away from these blood thirsty people? Of course, I am only human, and not perfect in any sense, that’s why He is Jesus, and I am just a sinner.

He knew why He had to suffer, He knew that all those people who wanted Him dead were sinners. He could have rebuked them, but He stayed silent. I mean, there is no one who knows this saying better than Jesus did “Tacere e un Arte”. How could I be silent if I knew my death was near and I had no fault? How could I be calm and ready for my death when I could save my self from the sinners? Thinking of all this is just unfathomable but God had better plans for Jesus and for all of us as human beings.

Jesus knew His death would bring salvation to mankind. Jesus knew His death would earn Him a spot on the right hand side of God. The art of silence is just not about staying literally silent, but knowing what good lies ahead of us despite our suffering. Jesus went through A LOT. Sometimes I think I have gone through it all, but when I think of Jesus and his sufferings, more so His suffering because of our sins, I am not even close to having it as bad as He did. I have not had to put up with suffering to the point of death, but He did. And for that, I praise God.

I have no closing for this, but in every situation, check the writing on the wall, it could reveal more to you that you may anticipate for 🙂

I Am Bush_Locked 🙂