Time for Surgery

I remember the first time I had to undergo some surgery. I had a growth on the lower right side of my tummy just close to the waist line which I would poke daily with any sharp object that was at hand and it felt good. It had become my disease and I liked the sweet pain. My ultimate satisfaction was to see it bleed, and I would poke it until it blood oozed out. I know this is not normal, but that was my opium and I loved it. There was this one time when I poked it so bad that the pain was unbearable and I almost fainted. That’s when I started to question my love for this growth. It was not harmful by any means, it was benign. For all I knew it wouldn’t hurt me if it stayed there for the rest of my life. But I was hurting it, and in the process I was hurting myself and my mom saw it. She felt the pain that I didn’t psychologically feel but was evident physically. She waited until I was done with high school when she booked an appointment at one of the hospitals to have it removed. I knew we couldn’t afford it but she had to make the sacrifice for me, just to see me live a painless life, just to see me stop hurting myself. It was pricey but I’m forever grateful to her for that decision she made for me. I stopped hurting myself, I stopped bleeding, I stopped poking, I stopped having a ‘tick’, a ‘parasite’ that was stuck on me and sucking the life out of me.

Fast forward and I’m now all grown up. Decisions have to be made and unfortunately mommy can only advise but she can’t make them for me. Sometimes surgeries are important, some can be life threatening but there is always that slim chance of things getting better. Life has a way of tossing lemons at us and expecting us to make lemonades, but what do we do when we have a lemon at hand and a baby in sight? Huh? We don’t make lemonades for them, do we? We give them the lemons to taste and wait to see their reaction. It’s always hilarious, but they will still taste it a second and third time even when they know so well it doesn’t taste good😂

Friendships are sometimes like this. We keep friends who we should have let go of a long time ago. Sometimes we hang around with people who we think are for us yet they are against us. Sometimes the people who you would defend at any given situation are the same people who would walk away from you when you need them to defend you for all life’s sake. Sometimes the person who you would take a fall for is the same person who is behind the trigger, waiting for the best moment to push on it. Lately I have been questioning a few people who are in my circle, so to say. Just because people hang out with you, laugh with you, throw parties for you and party with you doesn’t mean they are for you. Just because they smile at you as they hug you doesn’t mean that they are still smiling when their faces are on the other side of the hug. Just because they talk good about you in your presence doesn’t mean that they are doing the same in your absence.

People know how to pretend, and they do it quite well like it’s an important life skill or something. It’s very easy for someone to tell you that they got your back but very few of them will prove it. Loyalty is a scarce commodity, you have to be able to identify those who give it to you on a daily and appreciate them. I’ve heard the saying “I’m happy for you” quite a few times, but not everyone who says that wants to see you genuinely happy. Have you ever wondered how your circle of friends grows smaller when you are starting to do better with your life? I know it happens a lot when it’s the opposite case, but the moment your intentions get exposed, your friends circle starts getting smaller and smaller.

Not every person who you think is your friend is actually a true friend. I wish there was a guarantee that some relationships would last forever, but there isn’t, so I have learned to be very mindful about who I share my dreams with and who I tell my secrets to. Sometimes the people who tell you that they will be praying for you are the number one people laughing at your struggles behind closed doors, high five-in with your enemies, and that’s the painful truth.

I’ve had to really question myself about the people who are in my circle. Real situations will always expose the fake friends. Luckily, I have been paying attention for quite a while to notice a few things that have been off. People will drug you in the mud just to clean up their image. People will step on you just to get ahead in life. People will tear your life right to the ground, just to build up theirs. It’s a damn cold world. I do not talk to my two best friends as often as I should, but I know they are and will always be there for me when I need them, and so will I. Friendship is not about how often you talk, but about who will be there in your time of need, and how much you will be there for each other when it truly matters. It’s time for surgery. I have realized the saying, strength in numbers, doesn’t always count when it comes to friendships. Loyalty matters, not the numbers. I’d rather surround myself with a few people who will readily go through it with me when things get rough and who will easily have my back without hesitation. That type of loyalty and commitment is hard to find, very rare, but I’ve got to make this sacrifice for me. It will be worth it in the end.

I Am Bush_Locked 😉